A Merry(er) Christmas

While on our way home for the Christmas holiday, I reflected on last Christmas and it made me remember what a different feeling we had at Christmas last year.

Friday, December 21, 2012. I had just completed my first semester teaching high school. It was hard. It was tiring. It was emotionally draining. I was looking forward to having a long and relaxing break before heading back in January.

Also, I was looking forward to finding out what the gender of our baby was going to be as I was meeting Casey at the doctors office for our 20 week ultrasound.

I remember having the thought "I can do hard things" run through my head as we were waiting for the ultrasound. At the time I thought it was because I had just survived what felt like my first semester of teaching all over again. But then our midwife entered the room after what felt like a suspicious amount of time, and said, "this is dr. Kozack. She is going to go over your ultrasound findings with you." I now realize that feeling meant more.

There were a few people who knew we were having our ultrasound that day. I remember not answering phone calls or returning text messages. Not knowing what just happened or what to say.

But when I finally called my parents, it just came out. "It's a girl. And she's not ok."

And that was all I knew to say so I began to sob.

I often think back to that first conversation; the first time we had to tell someone about Piper's diagnosis. And those words still bring me to tears. Even for months after she was born I would hear those words "she's not ok" in my head and begin to sob.

And now, a year after that day we found out Piper had Spina bifida, I can look back on that day and realize that she is ok.

We were given the option to abort the pregnancy when we discussed our options. We didn't feel that this would warrant an abortion. She was healthy in every other aspect besides her spinal cord not closing. And she was our baby.

Today we've had MRI's and shunts. We have lots of doctors appointments and physical and occupational therapy. We catheterize and massage. We talk poop on a daily basis. But we're doing ok.

If I could change things, would I? Yes. I would make Piper perfect. I would take away her challenges and scars and let her have a life without surgeries and catheters and therapies. I would give her very advantage I could.

But, if I had to go back and do it all again, knowing what I know now, would I? Absolutely. Because Piper is more than ok. She is amazing. And I can't imagine loving her any more than I already do.

And this Christmas I am so grateful that I have Piper in my life. I am so happy that we get to celebrate her life everyday. And even though there are hardships and life isn't easy, we can do hard things and we are grateful. So very grateful.

Merry Christmas.

Just a Picture Dump

And here is a slew of pictures I have on my phone ready to be dumped somewhere.

I took piper on a quick jog one morning. It was really cold so we pulled out this Halloween costume my mom sent us. Piper was happy as a clam . . . until we went outside.

Piper gets all of her from cousin Stella and cousin Ruby. Thank goodness someone in the family is willing to buy the cutest clothes at Baby Gap because I just can't bring myself to.

We had the pleasure of hosting our California friends Jon and Diana for a few days. It was crazy having a 3-month-old, 7-month-old and a 2-year-old in the house but it was so fun and so nice having another adult (who gets it) to converse with during the day.

Mountain biking two at a time, while the other two parents stayed back with two babies, one toddler and a dog.

The Browning family- we like to wear out our guests.

Just trying to keep everyone happy.

Casey, looking extra hobo-ish on this particular night.

Sleeping through our morning stroll

 It was super windy one day and we happened to drive past a parking lot right after this happened! It smashed three cars, including one as it was pulling into the parking lot.

Coming up next . . . solid foods. How exciting.

Halloween

After our first race, I was extremely sore, as it was my first race and the most I have ever run . . . ever . . in my life. Really. Later that night as I was explaining to our friends where I was sore, Casey informed me that while I was "running" and he was walking next to me, he noticed I shuffle while I run. Like an 80 year old woman trying to run. My mom told me I shuffled right after fetal surgery and apparently that habit stuck with me.

Casey decided to try another run to see how fast he could run without a decrepit woman slowing him down. He ran a 4-mile race right before Halloween for an animal shelter fundraiser, along with our friend Chelsey. People were encouraged to dress-up and run with pets. Casey did neither but we went to support him anyway.

He was right at the beginning of the line.

The Enthusiastic crowd.

Casey came in at 35 minutes!

Chelsey came in strong a few minutes after Casey

Piper was very proud (and rather chipper on that cold morning).

Two days before Halloween I noticed two white bumps in Pipers mouth . . .which explained a lot actually. I had no idea she was even teething until I saw the teeth. Seems a bit unfair that someone who is so far behind developmentally gets teeth so early (she was only 5 months adjusted age).

While we haven't seen any more pop up, I suspect there are more on their way . . .

On Halloween I dressed Piper up as a mouse for two reasons. 1) Since we weren't going trick or treating, I didn't really see a point in buying or making Piper a costume. 2) But since I don't want Piper to think that her mother didn't love her, I decided to do a very simple costume consisting of things we already had. I stuck some felt ears onto one of her headbands and put her in some grey clothes she had.  I dressed up like a cat but due to the aforementioned teeth, by the time I was ready in costume Piper was melting down and ready for bed. No cute family photo with everyone in coordinated costumes . . . maybe next year.

Halloween night- ruined by teeth.

We had a Halloween party at our house with the Hatchs and the Vincents. For great pictures and a great recap, visit Kylee's blog (she's amazing at keeping up on her blog). Piper slept through the whole party like a champ. The next day, we did Halloween pictures, take 2.

Here's to trying again next year.

And . . . We're back!

Kind of a short hiatus there, but we still live.

In a new house, actually. We took a break from documenting our nothing-going-ons because we actually had something going on. We bought a house! It was not a fun experience and a rather emotional roller-coaster, but we survived (and learned a great deal in the process). Since then, we've been unpacking what feels like an endless supply of boxes, painting everything, hosting guests and adding more to our home to-do list than crossing items off.

A few things that happened in the process.

I ran my first race at the beginning of October. It was all due to peer pressure. It was only 4 miles but I ran it and met my goal of running it in under 45 minutes. I came in at a comfortable 43:26. I was actually pretty proud of this since Piper had decided to get up at 4am that morning so I was running on 5 hours of sleep. Also, when we were walking back to our car we heard them announce my name as a winner. I took third place in my age group! I'm pretty sure there were only 3 people between 30 and 35 but I shouted "I won!" over and over anyway. I owe it all to Casey, who ran next to me the whole time and gave me support and encouragement by saying things like "Just run as fast as you can" and "Just don't stop." Casey won first place in his age group (we are not sure how many people were in his group).

It was a freezing 32 degrees that morning!

After that, we packed up our apartment and moved. We had to drive the U-haul to closing because we had to be out of our apartment THAT DAY. It was rather chaotic but we survived.

With all of Piper's stuff packed, we had to improvise for the freezing temperatures.

 Piper and Miles watching me clean our apartment

 

Chelsey watching the babes while I finished cleaning

 We said goodbye to Fort Collins and moved to our new home in Loveland. And everyone is happy about it. Especially Piper who got to sleep on our bed for a number of naps while we unpacked .